I was praying that April can end fast,
so,
everything I felt bothered would be gone like magic, no more Isys projects, no more emotional feelings, no more finals or lack of sleep.
Spring comes gradually in Provo, and after the trip to Arches Park in Moab, I feel a lot more energetic and ready for the next step in college. The song stuck into my head is still "Wake Me Up When September Ends." I guess I love his voice at this time.
However, today is the third day of class. I noticed how empty the campus is, and great friends are gone. I said so many times I would miss my friends after they left, and they consistently responded: "You will have more new friends." I always feel each individual is not replaceble by anyone else. Yes, we all will have new friends and life will move on. Just not in the same way exactly.
Sometimes i still had the yesterday-once-more scenes coming back in front of my eyes...
I remembered before Kristy left for home, I told her with watery eyes:"I will miss you and can't believe we will not see each other til next year. But you will have fun in Nanjing..."Later I realized I looked overwhelming in front of my sassy friend. Kristy is a sunshine girl, at least I never felt she was sad about anything. So those words might weight too much,haha, I felt I was a little cheezy, but I was not pretending.
I miss talking to Sisi on the bench on the 3rd floor of Wilk. Library is not happy without her...She was always busy around Library, JKB and the Math building, in the last semester?haha, she always wore bright colors that matched her perfectly. She carried her light green backpack around, with her lunch boxes in it. She had lots of cute earrings. The last time I ran into her, she was going to have some Taco Bell, which is what I usually eat, while I was eating her favorite Canyon Road ice cream. And, we laughed about it. I love the time I watched General Conference together. I appreciated the time she did not ask me and peeled the scar, instead, she made awesome noodle soup in such a cold day......Sisi, you are so amazing. I wanted to say who else could be better? but that might sound like I am worshiping you,haha. I could imagine you would say:" mei you la..." With a gentle smile.
Life is about to move on.
"People come and walk away, but I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere..."
What song is that? I couldn't remember.
I dislike the feeling that people are leaving me behind.
When my parents sent me to the airport the first time I came the the States, alone,
they felt so worried, cuz I was 17 and had never been to any other country before.
My mom said she cried seeing me, "a tiny body", pushing the cart with two huge suitcases.
I never look back (maybe never?), especially when i deal with this kind of situation.
I prefer to be the first one who turns around and walks away, and leave.
I don't like to feel people are leaving me, either departing in the airport or death, or being dishonest.
Everything is fine, and will be fine.
I am so happy for the friends who graduate though, I must be very excited if I were one of you.
But, 2 years are ahead of me.
God wants us to be better and trains us in different ways.
And, He wants me to be happy and more independent.
I am glad to have spiritual level friends, like you are.
Remember how we thought why friends couldn't seal together for eternity?
haha, I love talking to Sisi and Casey, and couple of other friends.
Casey said:"Me and Sisi will always be there for you when you need us." That day, I was sad and confused.
Sometimes I envy Casey because of his ability of being constantly happy, or simply not showing his emotions much, or he just does not have much emotion?haha.
Life is blessed and God wants me to learn and grow.
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